Sunday, January 22, 2006
i wanted to go to carytown. and world of mirth. the sculpture building, and ghana house. hull st outlet, plaza art, and the byrd. mulligans, PAC, the village, starlight cafe, red dragon, stoner sev & ghetto pride. *sigh*
but vitos is gone, along with the jade elephant, red light inn, and grace street comics. and nacho mama's. casualties of development and urban renewal. major suckage- all of it.
last night i started making a mental list of all the things i like about men, so that i can stop being so suspicious and wary of them. then i called lavelle on the phone when i had some signal and he was talking to someone else in the background, and said he'd call me back. when he did, he continued to talk to whomever was there- so i berrated him about why would he even attempt to maintain conversation when he has no intention of actually focusing his attention on me? I told him: If you're busy, say you're busy. Don't call me and tell me to hold on. that's bullshit.
him: i'm sorry baby.
and you know what- i don't even wanna be with someone who lets me speak to them that way, and lets me get away with it. it's just not what i'm after. it's not the way i wanna be handled. i prefer a man that presents some presence; some sense of authority- that 'i'm the man and i'm in control of the situation' type stuff. lavelle just isn't like that- and it's not a knock on him- he's a nice guy, just not very... uhm... assertive? i'm sure there'll be an apologetic voicemail or text message when i return to an area of cell signal, but he won't even know why he's apologizing. my attention span is burning out. there's no consequence. no challenge.