Thursday, January 26, 2006

embrace your inner vamp

what an evening. i was NOT in the mood to wash my hair (as i never am) so last night i practiced my french braiding, and actually did a fairly decent job. rather than redo the whole job, i just re-braided the bottoms and then wrapped the top of my head in a black fishnet-type kerchief thingy( i got it for about a quarter @ Sally's a few years back) which was just to keep the flyaways down and make it look a little smoother. ya know, so i didn't look like the lazy schmuck that i am. threw on some jeans, cammo wifebeater & black dressshirt, glass bead necklace & bracelets, & a shell necklace. looked like an outfit. whatever. i wasn't feeling in the mood to put too much effort into it. i left in plenty of time to get to work and still was late. as always. traffic on GW Parkway was total bullshit. I sat in traffic like this:

exciting. i know. i was obviously elated to be there myself. (can't ya tell?) Listened to Raheem DeVaugn & NeYo the whole ride, except for the few times I practiced my Mary J. Blige (I can found singing 'I'm Going Down' at least 5 times a day ever since American Idol came back on the air... reminds me that I am, in fact, a superior vocalist to many of those shmoes... heh hehh...). So I finally got to work, with my dinner in hand (ziti with tomato alfredo sauce, mushrooms & green beans), as well as a big bottle of water and a $44 shirt to exchange. D & A (tweedle dumb & tweedle dumber) were there "working", if by working you mean trying on clothes. that's what we do (except they like to wear clothes 1-2 sizes too small). i started to peruse the clearance rack, keeping in mind that I had $44 to spend. i picked up a hot pink & turquoise boustier & garter skirt, a sheer green tank top, and wandered over to the 2nd clearance rack when i hear "SHE LOOKS LIKE A VAMPIRE!" I whip my head around and there sit D&A, about 5 feet from me, with their big doe eyes exploding out of their skulls as they've just realized that I totally heard them. bitches. this is why i hate girls. was it my smokey eye shadow? the fact that my hair was braided off my face so it wouldn't get in my way as i sink my fangs into my prey? WAS IT THE CAMMO AND JEANS?!? WHAT WAS SO F*ING VAMPIRISH!?! WHHHHHAAAAAATTTTT?!?!?!?!

i'm ok. really. it just kinda pissed me off. working around nothing but horny, un-happily married, middle-aged men made me forget how catty women are. then, about 45 minutes later D has the nerve to ask me if she can have a pack of my birth control pills. WTF?! besides the illegality of that little idea, i paid for that isht. i'm not gonna give you a damn thing, except maybe a pair of bite marks on your hideous pillsbury dough neck. get your own.
while looking for more stuff to try on (since the stuff i'd found so far only got me to about $35) when i suddenly saw these:

OMG you're so jealous. it's ok. i know. shhhhhh... hush up now. it'll be ok. someday you'll have cute shoes too. (unless you're Rinny, in which case you already heave hundreds of pairs of cute shoes ^_^) in fact now i think that the next time i need new sneakers i'm just gonna buy a pair of white/plain/blank low-top chucks and give 'em to edel to draw on. (but i promise not to drop them off till after April, and i'm fully aware that i won't get 'em back for at least 6 months :P ) i mean, i love that shirt that i exchanged for them, but i'd never worn it, and i had no idea when i would ever wear it, whereas i know i'm gonna rock those shoes all summer long. my first pair of canvas chucks. love love love.

we made about $200 all day @ the store. pathetic. around 8pm this crazy chick comes in, drops her bag on the floor and says, "Can I just ask you guys' opinion on something?!" uhhh.... She looked like she might work @ Hot Topic, so I was looking @ D for cues that she knew/recognized her. Those cues never came. This chick starts going off about 'what would you do if you went to a store and the manager helped you pick out jewelry and promised it would work for you and you went home and put it in and it didn't fit and started bleeding so your piercing closed up and now they wouldn't let you return it and you've lost the $15 for the jewlery and the $65 you paid for the piercing in the first place... blah blah blah..." D is cluesless. I determined that this girl must've bought some piece of jewelry @ Hot Topic, prolly bought the wrong gauge, couldn't get it in, the piercing started to bleed so she took it out and for some unknown reason didn't put the original ring she was pierced with back in, and now her piercing was closed. CAUSE SHE WAS A DUMBASS.

people. please. if you purchase jewelry to put in a piercing, there are things you need to know. dependant upon where the jewlery is going, you need to know what "wearable area" you need. a ring needs to be a certain diameter to fit through the hole in your nose and around the edge of your nostril. or through a chunk of cartilage in your ear. OR, THROUGH YOUR LIP. the gauge was correct, which the chick was lucky about. but the prollem was that she'd purchased a labret stud, with a very short wearable area/legnth. there is less skin for a metal post to pass through at a 'normal' labret position (above the chin) than higher up near the lip (this girl had a side lip piercing). so the bar/post of the labret stud wasn't long enough to poke out through her lip and attach to the spike. ADDITIONALLY, it was swollen as isht. surely in part to the trauma of the attempted jewelry change, but also because it appeared to have been pierced more recently than the "2 months" that she said she'd been pierced for. either way, she should've waited another 4 months before trying to swap out the jewelry. and she should've researched her piercing do's and dont's. i swear, if you're too stupid to be bothered with the task of taking care of it, DON'T PIERCE IT. seriously. I mean DAMN. it's on her face. you'd think she'd pay attention to things like 'leave the jewelry alone till it heals', and 'you have an X guage ring'. she prolly took the ball out of the CBR and couldn't get it back in. dumbass. DON'T PLAY WITH IT, YOU'LL GO BLIND!!

In any case, I managed to throw enough lingo and hygenic regulations at her to calm her down and shut her dumb ass up, and convince her to just stick it in one of her cartilage piercings AFTER determining what gauge THOSE HOLES were. or try to sell them on ebay. In any case, never again use HOT TOPIC as your singular source of information on body jewlery, don't try to return something you've already attempted to jam into your puss ridden oral cavity, and don't EVER expect anyone at a store that's OWNED by the store you're bitching about to give a RAT's ASS about the stupidity with which you treat your body parts. Next time just do us all a favor and jam the needle in your eye YOURSELF. at least the ER resident that gets to rinse out your EYE HOLE will be happy to see you.

once you're healed, you can rock this:
Eight Bucks

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